Recently, we posted on how to deal with angry customers. In this post, we continuing our series on dealing with anger. – This time, how to reduce our own anger
In this post, I would like to consider some more suggestions for resolving problems of anger
Short Term
Anger is a sudden emotion that can flare up and take us by surprise.
In this immediate time period it is most powerful. When we feel
overpowered by anger it is important to try and delay our response. If
we try to remain detached, even for a moment, the force of the anger
will start to dissipate. Then it becomes easier to view the issue
objectively.
- When anger takes us by surprise, it is helpful to do some deliberate exercises that take our mind away from the anger. If we breathe calmly, slowly and deliberately, this will definitely help reduce the impact of the anger. Even just counting can help. All that happens is that we are forced to think of something else and this on its own reduces the power of our anger.
In the Long Term, if we can’t get rid of underlying anger and resentment, we can try these techniques.
Don’t Take Life Too Seriously
“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,”
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,”
- William Shakespeare
In life, people will do stupid, irritating things, if we expect
perfection from others, if we expect our life to be free of problems we
will always be doomed to disappointment. Life is too short to harbour
grudges and anger against people.
What is Gained, What is Lost?
Nursing anger towards others is a guaranteed to make us depressed.
But, does it help change the situation? The point is we need to be wise,
if we are angry and miserable we gain nothing. If we nurse anger and
are unable to get rid of it, it will be ourselves who lose out. If we
can detach from anger, if we can move on, then we can regain our inner
happiness. Wanting to be peaceful, is the most important step in
actually achieving it. If we realise the benefits of dealing with our
anger, we will make persistent efforts to get rid of it.
Persistent detachment.
If we make a desire to detach from our anger, we may get frustrated
because our first efforts fail. Despite a wish to be free from anger and
frustration, we find it keeps coming back. It is like a bad habit we
need to get out of. We may not succeed with our first, second or third
effort but, if we persistently ignore our anger, eventually we will be
successful. Never be dispirited if we feel anger for no good reason. It
is a passing emotion that we can choose to ignore.
Empathy
This might appear difficult, but, if we are angry with a person /
group of persons we can try to see the problem from their perspective.
This doesn’t mean we need to agree with them, but what we are trying to
do is to appreciate why they behave like they do. Sometimes the
behaviour of others appears incomprehensible. But, maybe if we had the
same upbringing, we might have a similar perspective on life. If we can
do this we blur the edges between absolute right and wrong. This empathy
and sympathy is the first step to appreciating that they be just trying
their best. When we try to understand and sympathise with others it
will definitely lessen our anger and feeling of separation. Anger is a
problem because it gives us a very partial understanding to any problem.
Smile
If you can smile at your enemy / problem, half the power disappears at once.
Maybe these things will not work for all situations. But, if we are
honest often we can become angry for relative trivial offences. Perhaps
someone said a sharp word, drove badly or was generally inconsiderate.
But, it is not the end of the world. Some people feel anger can help,
but, I don’t agree. Anger gives us an unbalanced outlook, we become
blind to a neutral perspective.
