When a Pet Dies

For most kids, pets are more than just animals their families own — they're members of the family and the best of friends.

Unfortunately, the joy of owning a pet goes hand-in-hand with the heartbreak of losing one, whether because of old age, illness, or an accident.

And that can be very difficult. After all, family pets often are the first to greet kids in the morning and after school. Your pet may be the one your child looks to for comfort and companionship when ill or feeling unpopular or upset.

While it's impossible to shelter kids from the loss of a pet, you can help them cope with it. And because a pet's death might be their first time losing a loved one, the grieving process can help kids learn how to cope with other losses throughout life.

Sharing the News and the Grief

One of the most difficult parts about losing a pet may be breaking the bad news to kids. Try to do so one-on-one in a place where they feel safe and comfortable and not easily distracted.

As you would with any tough issue, try to gauge how much information kids need to hear based on their age, maturity level, and life experience.

If your pet is very old or has a lingering illness, consider talking to kids before the death occurs. If you have to euthanize your pet, you may want to explain that:

• the veterinarians have done everything that they can
• your pet would never get better
• this is the kindest way to take the pet's pain away
• the pet will die peacefully, without feeling hurt or scared

Again, a child's age, maturity level, and questions will help determine whether to offer a clear and simple explanation for what's going to happen. If so, it's OK to use words like "death" and "dying" or to say something like "The veterinarian will give our pet a shot that first puts it to sleep and then stops the heart from beating." Many kids want a chance to say goodbye beforehand, and some may be old enough or emotionally mature enough to be there to comfort the pet during the process.

If you do have to euthanize your pet, be careful about saying the animal went "to sleep" or "got put to sleep." Young kids tend to interpret events literally, so this can conjure up scary misconceptions about sleep or surgery and anesthesia.

If the pet's death is more sudden, calmly explain what has happened. Be brief, and let your child's questions guide how much information you provide.

Sticking to the Truth

Avoid trying to gloss over the event with a lie. Telling a child that "Buster ran away" or "Max went on a trip" is not a good idea. It probably won't alleviate the sadness about losing the pet, and if the truth does come out, your child will probably be angry that you lied.

If asked what happens to the pet after it dies, draw on your own understanding of death, including, if relevant, the viewpoint of your faith. And since none of us knows fully, an honest "I don't know" certainly can be an appropriate answer — it's OK to tell kids that death is a mystery.

Helping Your Child Cope

Like anyone dealing with a loss, kids usually feel a variety of emotions besides sadness after the death of a pet. They might experience loneliness, anger if the pet was euthanized, frustration that the pet couldn't get better, or guilt about times that they were mean to or didn't care for the pet as promised.

Help kids understand that it's natural to feel all of those emotions, that it's OK to not want to talk about them at first, and that you're there when they are ready to talk.

Don't feel compelled to hide your own sadness about losing a pet. Showing how you feel and talking about it openly sets an example for kids. You show that it's OK to feel sad when you lose a loved one, to talk about your feelings, and to cry when you feel sad. And it's comforting to kids to know that they're not alone in feeling sad. Share stories about the pets you had — and lost — when you were young and how difficult it was to say goodbye.

Moving On

After the shock of the news has faded, it's important to help your child heal and move on.

It can help kids to find special ways to remember a pet. You might have a ceremony to bury your pet or just share memories of fun times you had together. Write a prayer together or offer thoughts on what the pet meant to each family member. Share stories of your pet's funny moments or escapades. Offer lots of loving hugs. You could do a project, too, like making a scrapbook.

Keep in mind that grieving over the loss of a pet, particularly for a child, is similar to grieving over a person. For kids, losing a pet who offered love and companionship can be much more difficult than losing a distant relative. You might have to explain that to friends, family members, or others who don't own pets or don't understand that.

Perhaps most important, talk about your pet, often and with love. Let your child know that while the pain will eventually go away, the happy memories of the pet will always remain. When the time is right, you might consider adopting a new pet — not as a replacement, but as a way to welcome another animal friend into your family.

Source:  http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/pet_death.html#

Reviewed by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhD
Date reviewed: April 2012

Anger Management Techniques

Recently, we posted on how to deal with angry customers. In this post, we continuing our series on dealing with anger. – This time, how to reduce our own anger

In this post, I would like to consider some more suggestions for resolving problems of anger

Short Term

Anger is a sudden emotion that can flare up and take us by surprise. In this immediate time period it is most powerful. When we feel overpowered by anger it is important to try and delay our response. If we try to remain detached, even for a moment, the force of the anger will start to dissipate. Then it becomes easier to view the issue objectively.

• When anger takes us by surprise, it is helpful to do some deliberate exercises that take our mind away from the anger. If we breathe calmly, slowly and deliberately, this will definitely help reduce the impact of the anger. Even just counting can help. All that happens is that we are forced to think of something else and this on its own reduces the power of our anger.

In the Long Term, if we can’t get rid of underlying anger and resentment, we can try these techniques.

Don’t Take Life Too Seriously

“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,”

- William Shakespeare

In life, people will do stupid, irritating things, if we expect perfection from others, if we expect our life to be free of problems we will always be doomed to disappointment. Life is too short to harbour grudges and anger against people.

What is Gained, What is Lost?

Nursing anger towards others is a guaranteed to make us depressed. But, does it help change the situation? The point is we need to be wise, if we are angry and miserable we gain nothing. If we nurse anger and are unable to get rid of it, it will be ourselves who lose out. If we can detach from anger, if we can move on, then we can regain our inner happiness. Wanting to be peaceful, is the most important step in actually achieving it. If we realise the benefits of dealing with our anger, we will make persistent efforts to get rid of it.

Persistent detachment.

If we make a desire to detach from our anger, we may get frustrated because our first efforts fail. Despite a wish to be free from anger and frustration, we find it keeps coming back. It is like a bad habit we need to get out of. We may not succeed with our first, second or third effort but, if we persistently ignore our anger, eventually we will be successful. Never be dispirited if we feel anger for no good reason. It is a passing emotion that we can choose to ignore.

Empathy

This might appear difficult, but, if we are angry with a person / group of persons we can try to see the problem from their perspective. This doesn’t mean we need to agree with them, but what we are trying to do is to appreciate why they behave like they do. Sometimes the behaviour of others appears incomprehensible. But, maybe if we had the same upbringing, we might have a similar perspective on life. If we can do this we blur the edges between absolute right and wrong. This empathy and sympathy is the first step to appreciating that they be just trying their best. When we try to understand and sympathise with others it will definitely lessen our anger and feeling of separation. Anger is a problem because it gives us a very partial understanding to any problem.

Smile

If you can smile at your enemy / problem, half the power disappears at once.

Maybe these things will not work for all situations. But, if we are honest often we can become angry for relative trivial offences. Perhaps someone said a sharp word, drove badly or was generally inconsiderate. But, it is not the end of the world. Some people feel anger can help, but, I don’t agree. Anger gives us an unbalanced outlook, we become blind to a neutral perspective.

Source: http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/life/anger-management-techniques/

10 Powerful Ways to Deal with Anger

Here are some practical suggestions for dealing with anger.

1. When you are angry say nothing.

If we speak in anger we will definitely aggravate the situation and quite likely hurt the feelings of others. If we speak in anger we will find that people respond in kind, creating a spiral of negative anger. If we can remain outwardly silent it gives time for the emotion of anger to leave us.

“When angry count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred. “

- Thomas Jefferson

2. Be indifferent to those who seek to make us angry.

Some people may unfortunately take a malicious pleasure in trying to make you mad. However, if we can feel indifferent to them and their words; if we feel it is beyond our dignity to even acknowledge them, then their words and actions will have no effect. Also, if we do not respond in any way to their provocation, they will lose interest and not bother us in the future.

3. Use reason to stop anger.

When we feel anger coming to the fore try to take a step back and say to yourself “This anger will not help me in any way. This anger will make the situation worse.” Even if part of us remains angry our inner voice is helping us to distance our self from the emotion of anger.

4. Look kindly upon Others.

Another visualisation, suggested by spiritual teacher Paramhansa Yogananda, is to see the anger-rousing agent as a 5 year old child. If you think of the other person as a helpless 5 year old child your compassion and forgiveness will come to the fore. If your baby brother accidentally stabbed you, you would not feel anger and desire to retaliate. Instead, you would just feel he is just too young to know any better. This exercise may be particularly useful for close members of the family who at times evoke your anger.

5. Value Peace more than anger.

If we value peace of mind as our most important treasure we will not allow anger to remain in our system. As Sri Chinmoy says:

“You may have every right to be angry with someone, but you know that by getting angry with him you will only lose your precious peace of mind..”

6. Always try to understand those who are cross.

Don’t worry about feeling the need to defend yourself from their criticisms. If you can remain detached and calm they may begin to feel guilty about venting their anger on you. Inspired by your example of calmness, they will seek subconsciously to do the same.

7. Focus on Something Completely Different.

Suppose someone has done something to make you angry. Think about something which will make you happy. The best antidote to negativity is to focus on the positive.

8. Breathe Deeply.

The simple act of breathing deeply will help considerably with removing anger.

9. Meditation.

Practise meditation regularly to bring your inner peace to the fore. If we can have an inner access to our inner peace we will be able to draw upon this during testing times. – How to Meditate

10. Smile

When we smile we defuse many negative situations. To smile is offer goodwill to others. Smiling costs nothing but can effectively defuse tense situations.

Common Sense

If you leave your unlocked bike in the centre of town, it is likely to get stolen. This can be frustrating and is likely to give rise to feelings of anger. Of course, we should  minimise this kind of situation – simply remember to lock your bike. If we feel there is an injustice in our workplace, we should work to resolve it; this will make our work environment more peaceful and less prone to creating anger. If we have a partner who is abusive, the solution is not just dealing with our own anger, but finding a more peaceful living situation.

When we try to transcend anger, it doesn’t mean we have to acquiesce to injustice and unfairness. We should strive to make the world a better place. However, whatever our goals, it is always best to act with poise and a clear mind. Acting under the influence of anger makes it more difficult to attain what we wish to achieve.

Finally as a teacher, I occasionally feign anger to make students pay attention; sometimes, you need to show a stern face. However, as a teacher you can’t afford to allow yourself to be over-run with the emotion of anger because then you may over-react and create problems.

Source: http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/inner-peace/10-powerful-ways-to-deal-with-anger/