Sikh philosophy - Prohibited behavior (Wikipedia)

1. Non-logical behavior: Superstitions, or rituals which have no meaning, such as pilgrimages, fasting and bathing in rivers, gambling, worship of graves, idols or pictures, and compulsory wearing of the veil for women, are prohibited.
2. Material obsession: ("Maya") Accumulation of materials has no meaning in Sikhism. Wealth such as gold, portfolio, stocks, commodities, properties, et cetera, will all be left here on Earth when you depart. Do not get attached to them.
3. Sacrifice of creatures: Sati – Widows throwing themselves in the funeral pyre of their husbands, the act of slaughtering lambs and calves to celebrate holy occasions
4. Non-family oriented living: A Sikh is encouraged not to live as a recluse, beggar, monk, nun, celibate, or in any similar vein.
5. Worthless talk: Bragging, gossip and lying are not permitted.
6. Intoxication: The consumption of alcohol, drugs, tobacco, or other intoxicants is prohibited.
7. No priestly class: Sikhs do not have to depend on a priest for any of the functions that need to be performed.
8. Eating meat killed in a ritualistic manner (Kutha meat): Sikhs are strictly prohibited from eating meat killed in a ritualistic manner (such as halal or kosher, known as Kutha meat^[1] ), or any meat where langar is served.^[2] In some small Sikh Sects, i.e. Akhand Kirtani Jatha eating any meat is believed to be forbidden, but this is not a universally held belief.^[3] The meat eaten by Sikhs is known as Jhatka meat.
9. Having premarital or extramarital sexual relations^[4][5][6][7]

^{Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sikh_philosophy}

VALS Framework and Segment (Wikipedia)

• Innovator. These consumers are on the leading edge of change, have the highest incomes, and such high self-esteem and abundant resources that they can induldge in any or all self-orientations. They are located above the rectangle. Image is important to them as an expression of taste, independence, and character. Their consumer choices are directed toward the "finer things in life."
• Thinkers. These consumers are the high-resource group of those who are motivated by ideals. They are mature, responsible, well-educated professionals. Their leisure activities center on their homes, but they are well informed about what goes on in the world and are open to new ideas and social change. They have high incomes but are practical consumers and rational decision makers.
• Believers. These consumers are the low-resource group of those who are motivated by ideals. They are conservative and predictable consumers who favor American products and established brands. Their lives are centered on family, community, and the nation. They have modest incomes.
• Achievers. These consumers are the high-resource group of those who are motivated by achievement. They are successful work-oriented people who get their satisfaction from their jobs and families. They are politically conservative and respect authority and the status quo. They favor established products and services that show off their success to their peers.
• Strivers. These consumers are the low-resource group of those who are motivated by achievements. They have values very similar to achievers but have fewer economic, social, and psychological resources. Style is extremely important to them as they strive to emulate people they admire.
• Experiencers. These consumers are the high-resource group of those who are motivated by self-expression. They are the youngest of all the segments, with a median age of 25. They have a lot of energy, which they pour into physical exercise and social activities. They are avid consumers, spending heavily on clothing, fast-foods, music, and other youthful favorites, with particular emphasis on new products and services.
• Makers. These consumers are the low-resource group of those who are motivated by self-expression. They are practical people who value self-sufficiency. They are focused on the familiar-family, work, and physical recreation-and have little interest in the broader world. As consumers, they appreciate practical and functional products.
• Survivors. These consumers have the lowest incomes. They have too few resources to be included in any consumer self-orientation and are thus located below the rectangle. They are the oldest of all the segments, with a median age of 61. Within their limited means, they tend to be brand-loyal consumers.

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/VALS

Rock of Ages: Taste in music DOES change over a lifetime - and even punk-loving teens will listen to classical music in middle age

• British scientists found tastes shift in line with 'key life challenges' 
• Teenagers like 'intense' music, while those in early adulthood opt for 'contemporary' and 'mellow' choices as they search for close relationships
• The study by the University of Cambridge, used data from more than a quarter of a million people over a 10 year period

By Sarah Griffiths

PUBLISHED: 14:02 GMT, 15 October 2013 | UPDATED: 14:08 GMT, 15 October 2013

The study found that, unsurprisingly, the first great musical age is adolescence, which is defined by a short, sharp burst of 'intense' music

Plenty of teenagers might claim they will love One Direction forever or will never want to borrow a classical CD from their parents, but British scientists have found certain music genres are associated with five key stages in a human life.

Music stays important to people as they age but what they listen to is chosen to suit particular 'life challenges' they face and meet social and psychological needs, the researchers said.

They confirmed what may people have thought for a while - teenagers have little taste in music and what we listen to gets more boring as we grow older.

Researchers at Cambridge University have identified five broad categories of musical taste during a person's life.

They believe humans use music to experiment with identity and define themselves and then as a social vehicle to establish a group and find a mate, before using it to express their intellect, status and greater emotional understanding.

The study suggests that unless people take the Who's advice and die before they get old, their taste in music will probably change to meet their social and psychological needs.

Researchers said the study, published in the journal of Personality and Social Psychology, is the first to 'comprehensively document' the ways people engage with music 'from adolescence to middle age'.

Using data gathered from more than a quarter of a million people over a ten year period, researchers divided musical genres into five broad categories they call the MUSIC model - mellow, unpretentious, sophisticated, intense, contemporary - and plotted the patterns of preference across age-groups. 

 

'Intense' music, such as punk and metal peaks in adolescence and declines in early adulthood, while 'contemporary' music such as pop begins a rise that plateaus until early middle age. Dr Rentfrow said teenage years are often dominated by the need to establish identity and music is a cheap way to do this

THE FIVE STAGES

• The first is the 'intense' period when punk or metal dominates adolescence as teens explore their own identity.
• After that listeners gravitate towards 'contemporary' electronic and R&B music which reflects the autonomy of early adulthood.
• That phase of 'romantic, emotionally positive and danceable' music gives way to a 'Mellow' period as listeners search for love and start families.
• Following that is the 'sophisticated' age of jazz and classical pieces.
• And finally as we mature and lose the need for peer approval we become more inclined to 'unpretentious' music such as country and folk.

These five categories incorporate multiple genres that share common musical and psychological traits - such as loudness and complexity.  

 

The study found that, unsurprisingly, the first great musical age is adolescence, which is defined by a short, sharp burst of ‘intense’ and the start of a steady climb of ‘contemporary’. 

‘Intense’ music, such as punk and metal peaks in adolescence and declines in early adulthood, while ‘contemporary’ music such as pop and rap begins a rise that plateaus until early middle age.  

 

Dr Jason Rentfrow, senior researcher on the study, said: 'Teenage years are often dominated by the need to establish identity, and music is a cheap, effective way to do this.' 

‘"Intense’ music, seen as aggressive, tense and characterised by loud, distorted sounds has the rebellious connotations that allow adolescents to stake a claim for the autonomy that is one of this period’s key life challenges.'

As 'intense' gives way to the rising tide of 'contemporary' and 'mellow', like R&B, in early adulthood, the next musical age emerges. Dr Rentfrow said 'these forms of music reinforce the desire for intimacy and complement settings where people come together with the goal of establishing close relationships'

As ‘intense’ gives way to the rising tide of ‘contemporary’ and introduction of ‘mellow’, such as electronic and R&B, in early adulthood, the next musical age emerges. 

These two 'preference dimensions' are considered 'romantic, emotionally positive and danceable,' the researchers wrote.    

 

Dr Rentfrow said: 'Once people overcome the need for autonomy, the next life challenge concerns finding love and being loved – people who appreciate this "you" that has emerged.'

 

'What we took away from the results is that these forms of music reinforce the desire for intimacy and complement settings where people come together with the goal of establishing close relationships – parties, bars, clubs and so on. 

 

'Whereas the first musical age is about asserting independence, the next appears to be more about gaining acceptance from others.'

 

As people settle down and middle age begins to creep in, the last musical age, as identified by the researchers, is dominated by ‘sophisticated’ music, such as jazz and classical and ‘unpretentious’ tunes, such as country, folk and blues.

 

As people settle down and middle age begins to creep in, the last musical age, as identified by the researchers, is dominated by 'sophisticated' music, such as jazz and classical and 'unpretentious' tunes, such as country, folk and blues

The researchers said both these dimensions are seen as 'positive and relaxing' with ‘sophisticated’ music indicating the complex aesthetic of high culture that could be linked to social status and perceived intellect, while ‘unpretentious’ echoes sentiments of family, love and loss – emotionally direct music that speaks to the experiences most will have had by this life stage.

 

Dr Rentfrow said: 'As we settle into ourselves and acquire more resources to express ourselves – career, home, family, car – music remains an extension of this and at this stage there are aspects of wanting to promote social status, intellect and wealth that play into the increased gravitation towards ‘sophisticated’ music, as social standing is seen as a key life challenge to be achieved by this point.

 

'At the same time, for many this life stage is frequently exhausted by work and family, and there is a requirement for relaxing, emotive music for those rare down times that reflects the other major life challenge of this stage - that of nurturing a family and maintaining long-term relationships - perhaps the hardest of all.'

 

Arielle Bonneville-Roussy from Cambridge’s Department of Psychology, who led the study, said: 'Due to our very large sample size, gathered from online forms and social media channels, we were able to find very robust age trends in musical taste. 

'I find it fascinating to see how seemingly trivial behaviour such as music listening relates to so many psychological aspects, such as personality and age.'

 

The study found that for many middle-aged people, frequently exhausted by work and family, there is a requirement for relaxing, emotive music for down times that reflect the other major life challenge of this stage - that of nurturing a family and maintaining long-term relationships

Source . . .
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2460668/Scientists-prove-taste-music-DOES-change-lifetime.html#ixzz2r3EICn7P

24 Daily Habits (thechangeblog.com)

“We first make our habits, and then our habits make us” – John Dryden

I have previously written about how the habit of exercising every day has helped me tremendously. Doing something every day is such a powerful way to form a habit that I thought I would make a list of 24 habits that are worth doing on a daily basis. Note: I have divided these into morning, day and night although some could obviously be under different headings.

The Morning

1. Wake Early: I am a big fan of waking at 5am and spending time working on myself before going to work. I have written more about this habit here: How to Wake Early When All You Want to Do Is Sleep.
2. Exercise: when I had the goal of exercising 4 times a week I found it was very easy to tell myself I will exercise tomorrow instead. Setting the expectation of daily exercise removed this as a potential excuse and I have since reaped the benefits of this daily habit.
3. Review or (even better) Rewrite Your Goals: each day I try to get closer to achieving my short, medium and long term goals. Starting the day by reviewing or rewriting my goals means that I have better awareness of them throughout the day. As Robin Sharma says:

“With better awareness you can make better choices and when you make better choices, you will see better results.”

4. Read and/ or Listen to Motivational Material: in the morning a whole day of endless possibilities lies ahead. I motivate myself to play my best game by reading and listening to inspirational books/ audiobooks. For audiobooks I recommend the free introductory offer from Audible.
5. Visualize the Day Ahead: I like to take a few minutes to shut my eyes and visualize what I want happen in the coming day. It’s amazing how often my desires become reality when I do this.
6. Write a “To Do” List: I like to write out a list in my diary of the important tasks I need to do that day. As they are completed I put a line through them. So simple, yet so effective.
7. Check the News Headlines: I think it’s important to have an idea of what is happening in our community and the world. Also if don’t at least check the main stories, I find it is easy to feel left out of conversations throughout the day. Having said this, much of the news is negative and I’m careful not to spend too much time digesting it unless there is a particular story of note.
8.  Blog: I find there are many benefits to blogging. Starting a blog can help you gain clarity, be creative, make new friends, and may even generate you some income. If you would like to start a blog I recommend Squarespace.
9. Take Time to Look Good: it’s a reality of life that people judge us by our appearance. I take a few minutes each morning to ensure I go out into the world looking the best I can.

The Day

10. Smile. You’ve probably heard about the importance of smiling, but as the saying goes “common sense is often quite uncommon.” I try to carry a smile with me on throughout the day. I find that not only does it make me happier, but it can make other people smile and open the door to conversations with people I haven’t talked to before.
11. Put First Things First: I try to avoid having my day controlled by tasks that are urgent , but not necessarily important. The habit of putting first things first is about organizing and executing your life around your deepest priorities.
12. Under-Promise and Over-Deliver: at work I try to go the extra mile on my projects, especially on the details many people might miss.  I set reasonable deadlines for myself and, when possible, try to get them done early.
13. Be Proactive: being proactive means showing initiative and taking the responsibility to make things happen. Whenever I want to get something done, I ask myself: “what can I do to make this happen?”
14. Snack Well: I substitute the chips, candy and chocolate with fruit, vegetables (carrots and celery are great to chomp on) and nuts.
15. Connect with Nature: I find spending time outdoors in nature is great for my sense of well-being. On work days I like to go for a walk during my lunch break.
16. Ping a Friend: I try to send a quick email or text to a friend each day. It’s a great way to stay in touch with friends when I am extremely busy.
17. Save: I save at least 10% of each paycheck. A great way to find the money to save is to break it down to a daily amount, for example $10-15. By taking account of the Latte Factor I find it easy to save this much.

The Evening

18. Have Family Time: I believe it’s important to be present most evenings. Family time is about quantity and quality.
19. Take Time for Myself: I also believe it’s important to spend a little time each day just for me. Some things I like to do: read, write, meditate, yoga, play music and/ or visit the gym.
20. Tidy Up: a cluttered house can lead to a cluttered mind and fuzzy thinking. I find it’s best to stay on top of things by tidying up each day.
21. Wind Down: I try to switch off the computer and the TV about 30 to 60 minutes before bedtime and let my brain have some down time after a long day. I sleep far more peacefully when I do this.
22.  Review My Day: I find this is a great way to hold myself to account for taking action throughout the day. Did I get closer to achieving my goals? Did I complete my to do list? Did my day go as planned? If not, why not?
23. Say I Love You: don’t just assume that your family members know you love them. I say these words to my wife and sons at least once per day.

24. Go to Bed At A Reasonable Time: the first habit of this list (waking early) begins by going to bed at a reasonable time and getting a good nights sleep.

Source:  http://www.thechangeblog.com/24-daily-habits/

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (kidshealth.org)

All kids have worries and doubts. But kids with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) often can't stop worrying, no matter how much they want to. And those worries frequently compel them to behave in certain ways over and over again.

About OCD

OCD is a type of anxiety disorder. Kids with OCD become preoccupied with whether something could be harmful, dangerous, wrong, or dirty — or with thoughts that bad stuff could happen.

With OCD, upsetting or scary thoughts or images, called obsessions, pop into a person's mind and are hard to shake. Kids with OCD also might worry about things not being "in order" or "just right." They may worry about losing things, sometimes feeling the need to collect these items, even though they may seem useless to other people.

Someone with OCD feels strong urges to do certain things repeatedly — called rituals or compulsions — in order to banish the scary thoughts, ward off something dreaded, or make extra sure that things are safe, clean, or right in some way.

Children may have a difficult time explaining a reason for their rituals and say they do them "just because." But in general, by doing a ritual, someone with OCD is trying to relieve anxiety. They may want to feel absolutely certain that something bad won't happen or to feel "just right."

Think of OCD as an "overactive alarm system." The rise in anxiety or worry is so strong that a child feels like he or she must perform the task or dwell on the thought, over and over again, to the point where it interferes with everyday life.

Most kids with OCD realize that they really don't have to repeat the behaviors over and over again, but the anxiety can be so great that they feel that repetition is "required" to neutralize the uncomfortable feeling. And often the behavior does decrease the anxiety — but only temporarily. In the long run, the rituals may worsen OCD severity and prompt the obsessions to return.

Causes

Doctors and scientists don't know exactly what causes OCD, although recent research has led to a better understanding of it and its potential causes. Experts believe OCD is related to levels of a neurotransmitter called serotonin. Neurotransmitters are chemicals that carry signals in the brain.

When the flow of serotonin is blocked, the brain's "alarm system" overreacts and misinterprets information. These "false alarms" mistakenly trigger danger messages. Instead of the brain filtering out these messages, the mind dwells on them — and the person experiences unrealistic fear and doubt.

Evidence is strong that OCD tends to run in families. Many people with OCD have one or more family members who also have it or other anxiety disorders influenced by the brain's serotonin levels. Because of this, scientists have come to believe that the tendency (or predisposition) for someone to develop a serotonin imbalance that causes OCD can be inherited.

Having the genetic tendency for OCD doesn't mean that someone will develop OCD, but it does mean there's a stronger chance that he or she might. Sometimes an illness or some other stress-causing event may trigger the symptoms of OCD in a person who is genetically prone to develop it.

It's important to understand that the obsessive-compulsive behavior is not something that a child can stop by trying harder. OCD is a disorder, just like any physical disorder such as diabetes or asthma, and is not something kids can control or have caused themselves.

OCD is also not something that parents have caused, although life events (such as starting school or the death of a loved one) might worsen or trigger the onset of OCD in kids who are prone to develop it.

Common OCD Behaviors in Kids

OCD can make daily life difficult for the kids that it affects and their families. The behaviors often take up a great deal of time and energy, making it more difficult to complete tasks, such as homework or chores, or to enjoy life.

In addition to feeling frustrated or guilty for not being able to control their own thoughts or actions, kids with OCD also may suffer from low self-esteem or from shame or embarrassment about what they're thinking or feeling (since they often realize that their fears are unrealistic, or that their rituals are not realistically going to prevent their feared events).

They also may feel pressured because they don't have enough time to do everything. A child might become irritable because he or she feels compelled to stay awake late into the night or miss an activity or outing to complete the compulsive rituals. Kids might have difficulties with attention or concentration because of the intrusive thoughts.

Among kids and teens with OCD, the most common obsessions include:

• fear of dirt or germs
• fear of contamination
• a need for symmetry, order, and precision
• religious obsessions
• preoccupation with body wastes
• lucky and unlucky numbers
• sexual or aggressive thoughts
• fear of illness or harm coming to oneself or relatives
• preoccupation with household items
• intrusive sounds or words

These compulsions are the most common among kids and teens:

• grooming rituals, including hand washing, showering, and teeth brushing
• repeating rituals, including going in and out of doorways, needing to move through spaces in a special way, or rereading, erasing, and rewriting
• checking rituals to make sure that an appliance is off or a door is locked, and repeatedly checking homework
• rituals to undo contact with a "contaminated" person or object
• touching rituals
• rituals to prevent harming self or others
• ordering or arranging objects
• counting rituals
• hoarding and collecting things of no apparent value
• cleaning rituals related to the house or other items

Signs and Symptoms of OCD

Recognizing OCD is often difficult because kids can become adept at hiding the behaviors. It's not uncommon for a child to engage in ritualistic behavior for months, or even years, before parents know about it. Also, a child may not engage in the ritual at school, so parents might think it's just a phase.

When a child with OCD tries to contain these thoughts or behaviors, this creates anxiety. Kids who feel embarrassed or as if they're "going crazy" may try to blend the OCD into the normal daily routine until they can't control it anymore.

It's common for kids to ask a parent to join in the ritualistic behavior: First the child has to do something and then the parent has to do something else. If a child says, "I didn't touch something with germs, did I?" the parent might have to respond, "No, you're OK," and the ritual will begin again for a certain number of times. Initially, the parent might not notice what is happening.

Tantrums, overt signs of worry, and difficult behaviors are common when parents fail to participate in their child's rituals. It is often this behavior, as much as the OCD itself, which brings families into treatment.

Parents can look for the following possible signs of OCD:

• raw, chapped hands from constant washing
• unusually high rate of soap or paper towel usage
• high, unexplained utility bills
• a sudden drop in test grades
• unproductive hours spent doing homework
• holes erased through test papers and homework
• requests for family members to repeat strange phrases or keep answering the same question
• a persistent fear of illness
• a dramatic increase in laundry
• an exceptionally long amount of time spent getting ready for bed
• a continual fear that something terrible will happen to someone
• constant checks of the health of family members
• reluctance to leave the house at the same time as other family members

Diagnosing OCD

OCD is more common than many other childhood disorders or illnesses, but it often remains undiagnosed. Kids might keep the symptoms hidden from their families, friends, and teachers because they're embarrassed.

Even when symptoms are present, a parent or health care provider might not recognize that they are part of a mental health disorder and may attribute them to a child's quirkiness or even bad behavior.

Doctors consider OCD to be a pattern of obsessive thinking and rituals that does one or more of the following:

• takes up more than an hour each day
• causes distress
• interferes with daily activities

OCD in kids is usually diagnosed between the ages of 7 and 12. Since these are the years when kids naturally feel concerned about fitting in with their friends, the discomfort and stress brought on by OCD can make them feel scared, out of control, and alone.

If your child shows signs of OCD, talk to your doctor. In screening for OCD, the doctor or a mental health professional will ask your child about obsessions and compulsions in language that kids will understand, such as:

• Do you have worries, thoughts, images, feelings, or ideas that bother you?
• Do you have to check things over and over again?
• Do you have to wash your hands a lot, more than most kids?
• Do you count to a certain number or do things a certain number of times?
• Do you collect things that others might throw away (like hair or fingernail clippings)?
• Do things have to be "just so"?
• Are there things you have to do before you go to bed?

Because it might be normal for a child who doesn't have OCD to answer yes to any of these questions, the doctor also will ask about how often and how severe the behaviors are, about your family's history of OCD, Tourette syndrome and other motor or vocal tic disorders, or other problems that sometimes occur with OCD. OCD is common in people with Tourette syndrome.

Other disorders that often occur with OCD include other anxiety disorders, depression, disruptive behavior disorders, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), learning disorders, and trichotillomania (compulsive hair pulling). PANS, a rare condition that stands for Pediatric Acute-onset Neuropsychiatric Syndrome, also has been associated with having OCD. 

Treating OCD

The most successful treatments for kids with OCD are behavioral therapy and medication. Behavioral therapy, also known as cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy (CBT), helps kids learn to change thoughts and feelings by first changing behavior.

Behavioral therapy involves gradually exposing kids to their fears, with the agreement that they will not perform rituals, to help them recognize that their anxiety will eventually decrease and that no disastrous outcome will occur. For example, kids who are afraid of dirt might be exposed to something dirty, starting with something mildly bothersome and ending with something that might be really dirty.

For exposure to be successful, it must be combined with response prevention, in which the child's rituals or avoidance behaviors are blocked. For example, a child who fears dirt must not only stay in contact with the dirty object, but also must not be allowed to wash repeatedly.

Some treatment plans involve having the child "bossing back" the OCD, giving it a nasty nickname, and visualizing it as something he or she can control. Over time, the anxiety provoked by dirt and the urge to perform washing rituals gradually disappear. The child also gains confidence that he or she can "fight" OCD.

OCD can sometimes worsen if it's not treated in a consistent, logical, and supportive manner. So it's important to find a therapist who has training and experience in treating OCD.

Just talking about the rituals and fears have not been shown to help OCD, and may actually make it worse by reinforcing the fears and prompting extra rituals. Family support and cooperation also go a long way toward helping a child cope with OCD.

Many kids can do well with behavioral therapy alone while others will need a combination of behavioral therapy and medication. Therapy can help your child and family learn strategies to manage the ebb and flow of OCD symptoms, while medication, such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), often can reduce the impulse to perform rituals.

Helping Kids With OCD

It's important to understand that OCD is never a child's fault. Once a child is in treatment, it's important for parents to participate, to learn more about OCD, and to modify expectations and be supportive.

Kids with OCD get better at different rates, so try to avoid any day-to-day comparisons and recognize and praise any small improvements. Keep in mind that it's the OCD that is causing the problem, not the child. The more that personal criticism can be avoided, the better.

It can be helpful to keep family routines as normal as possible, and for all family members to learn strategies to help the child with OCD. It's also important to not let OCD be the "boss" of the house and regular family activities. Giving in to OCD worries does not make them go away.

Reviewed by: Elana Pearl Ben-Joseph, MD
Date reviewed: May 2012

Source:  http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/OCD.html?tracking=P_RelatedArticle#

Childhood Stress (kidshealth.org)

As providers and caretakers, adults tend to view the world of children as happy and carefree. After all, kids don't have jobs to keep or bills to pay, so what could they possibly have to worry about?

Plenty! Even very young children have worries and feel stress to some degree.

Sources of Stress

Stress is a function of the demands placed on us and our ability to meet them. These demands often come from outside sources, such as family, jobs, friends, or school. But it also can come from within, often related to what we think we should be doing versus what we're actually able to do.

So stress can affect anyone who feels overwhelmed — even kids. In preschoolers, separation from parents can cause anxiety. As kids get older, academic and social pressures (especially from trying to fit in) create stress.

Many kids are too busy to have time to play creatively or relax after school. Kids who complain about all their activities or who refuse to go to them might be overscheduled. Talk with your kids about how they feel about extracurricular activities. If they complain, discuss the pros and cons of stopping one activity. If stopping isn't an option, explore ways to help manage your child's time and responsibilities to lessen the anxiety.

Kids' stress may be intensified by more than just what's happening in their own lives. Do your kids hear you talking about troubles at work, worrying about a relative's illness, or arguing with your spouse about financial matters? Parents should watch how they discuss such issues when their kids are near because children will pick up on their parents' anxieties and start to worry themselves.

World news can cause stress. Kids who see disturbing images on TV or hear talk of natural disasters, war, and terrorism may worry about their own safety and that of the people they love. Talk to your kids about what they see and hear, and monitor what they watch on TV so that you can help them understand what's going on.

Also, be aware of complicating factors, such as an illness, death of a loved one, or a divorce. When these are added to the everyday pressures kids face, the stress is magnified. Even the most amicable divorce can be a difficult experience for kids because their basic security system — their family — is undergoing a tough change. Separated or divorced parents should never put kids in a position of having to choose sides or expose them to negative comments about the other spouse.

Also realize that some things that aren't a big deal to adults can cause significant stress for kids. Let your kids know that you understand they're stressed and don't dismiss their feelings as inappropriate.

Signs and Symptoms

While it's not always easy to recognize when kids are stressed out, short-term behavioral changes — such as mood swings, acting out, changes in sleep patterns, or bedwetting — can be indications. Some kids experience physical effects, including stomachaches and headaches. Others have trouble concentrating or completing schoolwork. Still others become withdrawn or spend a lot of time alone.

Younger children may pick up new habits like thumb sucking, hair twirling, or nose picking; older kids may begin to lie, bully, or defy authority. A child who is stressed may also have nightmares, difficulty leaving you, overreactions to minor problems, and drastic changes in academic performance.

Reducing Stress

How can you help kids cope with stress? Proper rest and good nutrition can boost coping skills, as can good parenting. Make time for your kids each day. Whether they need to talk or just be in the same room with you, make yourself available. Don't try to make them talk, even if you know what they're worried about. Sometimes kids just feel better when you spend time with them on fun activities.

Even as kids get older, quality time is important. It's really hard for some people to come home after work, get down on the floor, and play with their kids or just talk to them about their day — especially if they've had a stressful day themselves. But expressing interest shows that they're important to you.

Help your child cope with stress by talking about what may be causing it. Together, you can come up with a few solutions like cutting back on after-school activities, spending more time talking with parents or teachers, developing an exercise regimen, or keeping a journal.

You can also help by anticipating potentially stressful situations and preparing kids for them. For example, let your son or daughter know ahead of time that a doctor's appointment is coming up and talk about what will happen there. Tailor the information to your child's age — younger kids won't need as much advance preparation or details as older kids or teens.

Remember that some level of stress is normal; let your kids know that it's OK to feel angry, scared, lonely, or anxious and that other people share those feelings. Reassurance is important, so remind them that you're confident that they can handle the situation.

Helping Your Child Cope

When kids can't or won't discuss their stressful issues, try talking about your own. This shows that you're willing to tackle tough topics and are available to talk with when they're ready. If a child shows symptoms that concern you and is unwilling to talk, consult a counselor or other mental health specialist.

Books can help young kids identify with characters in stressful situations and learn how they cope. Check out Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst; Tear Soup by Pat Schweibert, Chuck DeKlyen, and Taylor Bills; and Dinosaurs Divorce by Marc Brown and Laurene Krasny Brown.

Most parents have the skills to deal with their child's stress. The time to seek professional attention is when any change in behavior persists, when stress is causing serious anxiety, or when the behavior is causing significant problems in functioning at school or at home.

If you need help finding resources for your child, consult your doctor or the counselors and teachers at school.

Reviewed by: Jennifer Shroff Pendley, PhD
Date reviewed: August 2011

Source:  http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/stress.html#

Body Image and Self-Esteem (kidshealth.org)

Does any of this sound familiar? "I'm too tall." "I'm too short." "I'm too skinny." "If only I were shorter/taller/had curly hair/straight hair/a smaller nose/longer legs, I'd be happy."

Are you putting yourself down? If so, you're not alone. As a teen, you're going through lots of changes in your body. And, as your body changes, so does your image of yourself. It's not always easy to like every part of your looks, but when you get stuck on the negatives it can really bring down your self-esteem.

Why Are Self-Esteem and Body Image Important?

Self-esteem is all about how much you feel you are worth — and how much you feel other people value you. Self-esteem is important because feeling good about yourself can affect your mental health and how you behave.

People with high self-esteem know themselves well. They're realistic and find friends that like and appreciate them for who they are. People with high self-esteem usually feel more in control of their lives and know their own strengths and weaknesses.

Body image is how you view your physical self — including whether you feel you are attractive and whether others like your looks. For many people, especially people in their early teens, body image can be closely linked to self-esteem.

What Influences a Person's Self-Esteem?

Puberty and Development

Some people struggle with their self-esteem and body image when they begin puberty because it's a time when the body goes through many changes. These changes, combined with wanting to feel accepted by our friends, means it can be tempting to compare ourselves with others. The trouble with that is, not everyone grows or develops at the same time or in the same way.

Media Images and Other Outside Influences

Our tweens and early teens are a time when we become more aware of celebrities and media images — as well as how other kids look and how we fit in. We might start to compare ourselves with other people or media images ("ideals" that are frequently airbrushed). All of this can affect how we feel about ourselves and our bodies even as we grow into our teens.

Families and School

Family life can sometimes influence our body image. Some parents or coaches might be too focused on looking a certain way or "making weight" for a sports team. Family members might struggle with their own body image or criticize their kids' looks ("why do you wear your hair so long?" or "how come you can't wear pants that fit you?"). This can all influence a person's self-esteem, especially if they're sensitive to others peoples' comments.

People also may experience negative comments and hurtful teasing about the way they look from classmates and peers. Although these often come from ignorance, sometimes they can affect body image and self-esteem.

Healthy Self-Esteem

If you have a positive body image, you probably like and accept yourself the way you are, even if you don't fit some media "ideal." This healthy attitude allows you to explore other aspects of growing up, such as developing good friendships, becoming more independent from your parents, and challenging yourself physically and mentally. Developing these parts of yourself can help boost your self-esteem.

A positive, optimistic attitude can help people develop strong self-esteem. For example, if you make a mistake, you might want to say, "Hey, I'm human" instead of "Wow, I'm such a loser" or not blame others when things don't go as expected.

Knowing what makes you happy and how to meet your goals can help you feel capable, strong, and in control of your life. A positive attitude and a healthy lifestyle (such as exercising and eating right) are a great combination for building good self-esteem.

Tips for Improving Body Image

Some people think they need to change how they look to feel good about themselves. But all you need to do is change the way you see your body and how you think about yourself. Here are some tips on doing that:

Recognize that your body is your own, no matter what shape or size it comes in. Try to focus on how strong and healthy your body is and the things it can do, not what's wrong with it or what you feel you want to change about it. If you're worried about your weight or size, check with your doctor to verify that things are OK. But it's no one's business but your own what your body is like — ultimately, you have to be happy with yourself.

Identify which aspects of your appearance you can realistically change and which you can't. Humans, by definition, are imperfect. It's what makes each of us unique and original! Everyone (even the most perfect-seeming celeb) has things that they can't change and need to accept — like their height, for example, or their shoe size. Remind yourself that "real people aren't perfect and perfect people aren't real (they're usually airbrushed!)".

If there are things about yourself that you want to change and can, do this by making goals for yourself. For example, if you want to get fit, make a plan to exercise every day and eat healthy. Then keep track of your progress until you reach your goal. Meeting a challenge you set for yourself is a great way to boost self-esteem!

When you hear negative comments coming from within, tell yourself to stop. Appreciate that each person is more than just how he or she looks on any given day. We're complex and constantly changing. Try to focus on what's unique and interesting about yourself.

Try building your self-esteem by giving yourself three compliments every day. While you're at it, every evening list three things in your day that really gave you pleasure. It can be anything from the way the sun felt on your face, the sound of your favorite band, or the way someone laughed at your jokes. By focusing on the good things you do and the positive aspects of your life, you can change how you feel about yourself.

Some people with physical disabilities or differences may feel they are not seen for their true selves because of their bodies and what they can and can't do. Other people may have such serious body image issues that they need a bit more help. Working with a counselor or therapist can help some people gain perspective and learn to focus on their individual strengths as well as develop healthier thinking.

Where Can I Go if I Need Help?

Sometimes low self-esteem and body image problems are too much to handle alone. A few teens may become depressed, and lose interest in activities or friends. Some go on to develop eating or body image disorders, and can become depressed or use alcohol or drugs to escape feelings of low worth.

If you're feeling this way, it can help to talk to a parent, coach, religious leader, guidance counselor, therapist, or friend. A trusted adult — someone who supports you and doesn't bring you down — can help you put your body image in perspective and give you positive feedback about your body, your skills, and your abilities.

If you can't turn to anyone you know, call a teen crisis hotline (an online search can give you the information for national and local hotlines). The most important thing is to get help if you feel like your body image and self-esteem are affecting your life.

Reviewed by: Michelle J. New, PhD
Date reviewed: March 2012

Source:  http://kidshealth.org/teen/food_fitness/wellbeing/body_image.html#

When a Pet Dies

For most kids, pets are more than just animals their families own — they're members of the family and the best of friends.

Unfortunately, the joy of owning a pet goes hand-in-hand with the heartbreak of losing one, whether because of old age, illness, or an accident.

And that can be very difficult. After all, family pets often are the first to greet kids in the morning and after school. Your pet may be the one your child looks to for comfort and companionship when ill or feeling unpopular or upset.

While it's impossible to shelter kids from the loss of a pet, you can help them cope with it. And because a pet's death might be their first time losing a loved one, the grieving process can help kids learn how to cope with other losses throughout life.

Sharing the News and the Grief

One of the most difficult parts about losing a pet may be breaking the bad news to kids. Try to do so one-on-one in a place where they feel safe and comfortable and not easily distracted.

As you would with any tough issue, try to gauge how much information kids need to hear based on their age, maturity level, and life experience.

If your pet is very old or has a lingering illness, consider talking to kids before the death occurs. If you have to euthanize your pet, you may want to explain that:

• the veterinarians have done everything that they can
• your pet would never get better
• this is the kindest way to take the pet's pain away
• the pet will die peacefully, without feeling hurt or scared

Again, a child's age, maturity level, and questions will help determine whether to offer a clear and simple explanation for what's going to happen. If so, it's OK to use words like "death" and "dying" or to say something like "The veterinarian will give our pet a shot that first puts it to sleep and then stops the heart from beating." Many kids want a chance to say goodbye beforehand, and some may be old enough or emotionally mature enough to be there to comfort the pet during the process.

If you do have to euthanize your pet, be careful about saying the animal went "to sleep" or "got put to sleep." Young kids tend to interpret events literally, so this can conjure up scary misconceptions about sleep or surgery and anesthesia.

If the pet's death is more sudden, calmly explain what has happened. Be brief, and let your child's questions guide how much information you provide.

Sticking to the Truth

Avoid trying to gloss over the event with a lie. Telling a child that "Buster ran away" or "Max went on a trip" is not a good idea. It probably won't alleviate the sadness about losing the pet, and if the truth does come out, your child will probably be angry that you lied.

If asked what happens to the pet after it dies, draw on your own understanding of death, including, if relevant, the viewpoint of your faith. And since none of us knows fully, an honest "I don't know" certainly can be an appropriate answer — it's OK to tell kids that death is a mystery.

Helping Your Child Cope

Like anyone dealing with a loss, kids usually feel a variety of emotions besides sadness after the death of a pet. They might experience loneliness, anger if the pet was euthanized, frustration that the pet couldn't get better, or guilt about times that they were mean to or didn't care for the pet as promised.

Help kids understand that it's natural to feel all of those emotions, that it's OK to not want to talk about them at first, and that you're there when they are ready to talk.

Don't feel compelled to hide your own sadness about losing a pet. Showing how you feel and talking about it openly sets an example for kids. You show that it's OK to feel sad when you lose a loved one, to talk about your feelings, and to cry when you feel sad. And it's comforting to kids to know that they're not alone in feeling sad. Share stories about the pets you had — and lost — when you were young and how difficult it was to say goodbye.

Moving On

After the shock of the news has faded, it's important to help your child heal and move on.

It can help kids to find special ways to remember a pet. You might have a ceremony to bury your pet or just share memories of fun times you had together. Write a prayer together or offer thoughts on what the pet meant to each family member. Share stories of your pet's funny moments or escapades. Offer lots of loving hugs. You could do a project, too, like making a scrapbook.

Keep in mind that grieving over the loss of a pet, particularly for a child, is similar to grieving over a person. For kids, losing a pet who offered love and companionship can be much more difficult than losing a distant relative. You might have to explain that to friends, family members, or others who don't own pets or don't understand that.

Perhaps most important, talk about your pet, often and with love. Let your child know that while the pain will eventually go away, the happy memories of the pet will always remain. When the time is right, you might consider adopting a new pet — not as a replacement, but as a way to welcome another animal friend into your family.

Source:  http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/pet_death.html#

Reviewed by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhD
Date reviewed: April 2012