Showing posts with label Positive. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Positive. Show all posts
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Disqualifying the Positive
This is an extreme form of all-or-nothing thinking in which we filter out all the
positive evidence about our performance, and only attend to the negative. It is
all-or-nothing thinking, without the "all"! This cognitive distortion will
produce automatic thoughts that reinforce negative feelings and explain away positive
ones. If you've ever tried to argue someone out of a bad mood, you've probably seen this
cognitive distortion from the outside. If you've ever been in a bad mood yourself, you may
have seen it from the inside. Usually people who are caught up in this cognitive
distortion are genuinely depressed about something, but it may be something that has no
obvious connection with the topic at hand. I was going over an essay with a student who
had gotten responses from three other students to a working draft of his essay. Our
conversation went something like this:
STUDENT: I think I should just throw this out and start over. It's trash. Look at what Cheri said about it.
ME: Well, yes, she did beat up on it pretty well. But Bob, who also read it, seemed to like it.
STUDENT: Yeah, but he was just trying to be nice.
ME: How do you know that?
STUDENT: Oh, you know, people try to say nice things, even if it's really just junk, because they don't want to hurt your feelings.
ME: Well, that obviously isn't true of Cheri. But, OK, if you want to start over, do you have another topic in mind?
STUDENT: No. Well, I did, sort of, but it's no good either. They'd trash it just like this one. I could never get enough evidence to convince her.
Someone who is disqualifying the positive can't discuss a subject rationally because he
is using a double standard. Negative evidence, no matter how weak or irrelevant, counts.
Positive evidence, no matter how strong or persuasive, can be explained away. As it turned
out, the student in the above conversation had just broken up with his girlfriend and was
feeling very low. But this sort of automatic thought doesn't make any more sense when
you're sad than it does when you're happy. The "logic" behind it goes something
like this: Things are bad, so why not make them worse?
Magnification and Minimization
This cognitive distortion consists of seeing the positive results of your actions as
smaller than they really are and the negative results of your actions as bigger than they
really are. It is sometimes called "catastrophizing" or, more informally,
"making a mountain out of a molehill." Like all-or-nothing thinking, it is a
favorite cognitive distortion of perfectionists. It seldom fails that early on in the
semester a student who has produced an excellent essay will come up to me and sheepishly
apologize for handing in such unadulterated trash. Often such students will give lengthy
and sorrowful explanations for why their elementary education was a failure or why they
were horrible students in high school or why work or childbearing had driven everything
they once knew about English right out of their heads. Surprisingly, these declarations
often come after I've told the student that he or she produced a good essay. I've had
several students actually drop the course after doing nothing but good work. People who
apologize for good work are almost always magnifying and minimizing. They see six comma
splices as more important than five pages of clear argument and sound evidence. They look
at their errors through binoculars, but when they look at their virtues, they turn the
binoculars around and look through the big end.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Body Image and Self-Esteem (kidshealth.org)
Does any of this sound familiar? "I'm too tall." "I'm too short."
"I'm too skinny." "If only I were shorter/taller/had curly hair/straight
hair/a smaller nose/longer legs, I'd be happy."
Are you putting yourself down? If so, you're not alone. As a teen,
you're going through lots of changes in your body. And, as your body
changes, so does your image of yourself. It's not always easy to like
every part of your looks, but when you get stuck on the negatives it can
really bring down your self-esteem.
Why Are Self-Esteem and Body Image Important?
Self-esteem is all about how much you feel you are worth — and how much you feel other people value you. Self-esteem is important because feeling good about yourself can affect your mental health and how you behave.
People with high self-esteem know themselves well. They're realistic
and find friends that like and appreciate them for who they are. People
with high self-esteem usually feel more in control of their lives and
know their own strengths and weaknesses.
Body image is how you view your physical self — including
whether you feel you are attractive and whether others like your looks. For many people, especially people in their early teens, body image can be closely linked to self-esteem.
What Influences a Person's Self-Esteem?
Puberty and Development
Some people struggle with their self-esteem and body image when they
begin puberty because it's a time when the body goes through many
changes. These changes, combined with wanting to feel accepted by our
friends, means it can be tempting to compare ourselves with others. The
trouble with that is, not everyone grows or develops at the same time or
in the same way.
Media Images and Other Outside Influences
Our tweens and early teens are a time when we become more aware of
celebrities and media images — as well as how other kids look and how we
fit in. We might start to compare ourselves with other people or media
images ("ideals" that are frequently airbrushed). All of this can affect
how we feel about ourselves and our bodies even as we grow into our
teens.
Families and School
Family life can sometimes influence our body image. Some parents or
coaches might be too focused on looking a certain way or "making weight"
for a sports team. Family members might struggle with their own body
image or criticize their kids' looks ("why do you wear your hair so
long?" or "how come you can't wear pants that fit you?"). This can all
influence a person's self-esteem, especially if they're sensitive to
others peoples' comments.
People also may experience negative comments and hurtful teasing
about the way they look from classmates and peers. Although these often
come from ignorance, sometimes they can affect body image and
self-esteem.
Healthy Self-Esteem
If you have a positive body image, you probably like and accept
yourself the way you are, even if you don't fit some media "ideal." This
healthy attitude allows you to explore other aspects of growing up,
such as developing good friendships, becoming more independent from your
parents, and challenging yourself physically and mentally. Developing
these parts of yourself can help boost your self-esteem.
A positive, optimistic attitude can help people develop strong self-esteem.
For example, if you make a mistake, you might want to say, "Hey, I'm
human" instead of "Wow, I'm such a loser" or not blame others when
things don't go as expected.
Knowing what makes you happy and how to meet your goals can help you
feel capable, strong, and in control of your life. A positive attitude
and a healthy lifestyle (such as exercising and eating right) are a
great combination for building good self-esteem.
Tips for Improving Body Image
Some people think they need to change how they look to feel good
about themselves. But all you need to do is change the way you see your
body and how you think about yourself. Here are some tips on doing that:
Recognize that your body is your own, no matter what shape or size it comes in.
Try to focus on how strong and healthy your body is and the things it
can do, not what's wrong with it or what you feel you want to change
about it. If you're worried about your weight or size, check with your
doctor to verify that things are OK. But it's no one's business but your
own what your body is like — ultimately, you have to be happy with
yourself.
Identify which aspects of your appearance you can realistically change and which you can't.
Humans, by definition, are imperfect. It's what makes each of us
unique and original! Everyone (even the most perfect-seeming celeb) has
things that they can't change and need to accept — like their height,
for example, or their shoe size. Remind yourself that "real people
aren't perfect and perfect people aren't real (they're usually
airbrushed!)".
If there are things about yourself that you want to change and can, do this by making goals for yourself.
For example, if you want to get fit, make a plan to exercise every day
and eat healthy. Then keep track of your progress until you reach your
goal. Meeting a challenge you set for yourself is a great way to boost
self-esteem!
When you hear negative comments coming from within, tell yourself to stop.
Appreciate that each person is more than just how he or she looks on
any given day. We're complex and constantly changing. Try to focus on
what's unique and interesting about yourself.
Try building your self-esteem by giving yourself three compliments every day.
While you're at it, every evening list three things in your day that
really gave you pleasure. It can be anything from the way the sun felt
on your face, the sound of your favorite band, or the way someone
laughed at your jokes. By focusing on the good things you do and the
positive aspects of your life, you can change how you feel about
yourself.
Some people with physical disabilities or differences may feel they
are not seen for their true selves because of their bodies and what they
can and can't do. Other people may have such serious body image issues
that they need a bit more help. Working with a counselor or therapist
can help some people gain perspective and learn to focus on their
individual strengths as well as develop healthier thinking.
Where Can I Go if I Need Help?
Sometimes low self-esteem and body image problems are too much to
handle alone. A few teens may become depressed, and lose interest in
activities or friends. Some go on to develop eating or body image
disorders, and can become depressed or use alcohol or drugs to escape
feelings of low worth.
If you're feeling this way, it can help to talk to a parent, coach,
religious leader, guidance counselor, therapist, or friend. A trusted
adult — someone who supports you and doesn't bring you down — can help
you put your body image in perspective and give you positive feedback
about your body, your skills, and your abilities.
If you can't turn to anyone you know, call a teen crisis hotline (an
online search can give you the information for national and local
hotlines). The most important thing is to get help if you feel like your
body image and self-esteem are affecting your life.
Reviewed by: Michelle J. New, PhD
Date reviewed: March 2012
Date reviewed: March 2012
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Don’t take my word for it though, experiment for yourself. Notice how different you feel wearing blue or orange or even red undies or any item of clothing.
Years ago after listening to a color therapist a group of my girlfriends all switched to green wallets. Green represents growth, abundance and prosperity. It is the color most often associated with money. In Feng Shui green relates to the wood energy which is associated with wealth. You might also like to read the Tao of a full happy wallet if you are keen to boost your money vibes.
Research has shown that blue is the most likely color to suppress your appetite. A blue light in your fridge may be just the trick you need. Blue is not a color you think of when you imagine food. Nature does not offer many blue foods except for a few such as blueberries. Red will stimulate your appetite and encourage fast eating. Notice how many take-aways have red signs or decor.