Does any of this sound familiar? "I'm too tall." "I'm too short."
"I'm too skinny." "If only I were shorter/taller/had curly hair/straight
hair/a smaller nose/longer legs, I'd be happy."
Are you putting yourself down? If so, you're not alone. As a teen,
you're going through lots of changes in your body. And, as your body
changes, so does your image of yourself. It's not always easy to like
every part of your looks, but when you get stuck on the negatives it can
really bring down your self-esteem.
Why Are Self-Esteem and Body Image Important?
Self-esteem is all about how much you feel you are worth — and how much you feel other people value you. Self-esteem is important because feeling good about yourself can affect your mental health and how you behave.
People with high self-esteem know themselves well. They're realistic
and find friends that like and appreciate them for who they are. People
with high self-esteem usually feel more in control of their lives and
know their own strengths and weaknesses.
Body image is how you view your physical self — including
whether you feel you are attractive and whether others like your looks. For many people, especially people in their early teens, body image can be closely linked to self-esteem.
What Influences a Person's Self-Esteem?
Puberty and Development
Some people struggle with their self-esteem and body image when they
begin puberty because it's a time when the body goes through many
changes. These changes, combined with wanting to feel accepted by our
friends, means it can be tempting to compare ourselves with others. The
trouble with that is, not everyone grows or develops at the same time or
in the same way.
Media Images and Other Outside Influences
Our tweens and early teens are a time when we become more aware of
celebrities and media images — as well as how other kids look and how we
fit in. We might start to compare ourselves with other people or media
images ("ideals" that are frequently airbrushed). All of this can affect
how we feel about ourselves and our bodies even as we grow into our
teens.
Families and School
Family life can sometimes influence our body image. Some parents or
coaches might be too focused on looking a certain way or "making weight"
for a sports team. Family members might struggle with their own body
image or criticize their kids' looks ("why do you wear your hair so
long?" or "how come you can't wear pants that fit you?"). This can all
influence a person's self-esteem, especially if they're sensitive to
others peoples' comments.
People also may experience negative comments and hurtful teasing
about the way they look from classmates and peers. Although these often
come from ignorance, sometimes they can affect body image and
self-esteem.
Healthy Self-Esteem
If you have a positive body image, you probably like and accept
yourself the way you are, even if you don't fit some media "ideal." This
healthy attitude allows you to explore other aspects of growing up,
such as developing good friendships, becoming more independent from your
parents, and challenging yourself physically and mentally. Developing
these parts of yourself can help boost your self-esteem.
A positive, optimistic attitude can help people develop strong self-esteem.
For example, if you make a mistake, you might want to say, "Hey, I'm
human" instead of "Wow, I'm such a loser" or not blame others when
things don't go as expected.
Knowing what makes you happy and how to meet your goals can help you
feel capable, strong, and in control of your life. A positive attitude
and a healthy lifestyle (such as exercising and eating right) are a
great combination for building good self-esteem.
Tips for Improving Body Image
Some people think they need to change how they look to feel good
about themselves. But all you need to do is change the way you see your
body and how you think about yourself. Here are some tips on doing that:
Recognize that your body is your own, no matter what shape or size it comes in.
Try to focus on how strong and healthy your body is and the things it
can do, not what's wrong with it or what you feel you want to change
about it. If you're worried about your weight or size, check with your
doctor to verify that things are OK. But it's no one's business but your
own what your body is like — ultimately, you have to be happy with
yourself.
Identify which aspects of your appearance you can realistically change and which you can't.
Humans, by definition, are imperfect. It's what makes each of us
unique and original! Everyone (even the most perfect-seeming celeb) has
things that they can't change and need to accept — like their height,
for example, or their shoe size. Remind yourself that "real people
aren't perfect and perfect people aren't real (they're usually
airbrushed!)".
If there are things about yourself that you want to change and can, do this by making goals for yourself.
For example, if you want to get fit, make a plan to exercise every day
and eat healthy. Then keep track of your progress until you reach your
goal. Meeting a challenge you set for yourself is a great way to boost
self-esteem!
When you hear negative comments coming from within, tell yourself to stop.
Appreciate that each person is more than just how he or she looks on
any given day. We're complex and constantly changing. Try to focus on
what's unique and interesting about yourself.
Try building your self-esteem by giving yourself three compliments every day.
While you're at it, every evening list three things in your day that
really gave you pleasure. It can be anything from the way the sun felt
on your face, the sound of your favorite band, or the way someone
laughed at your jokes. By focusing on the good things you do and the
positive aspects of your life, you can change how you feel about
yourself.
Some people with physical disabilities or differences may feel they
are not seen for their true selves because of their bodies and what they
can and can't do. Other people may have such serious body image issues
that they need a bit more help. Working with a counselor or therapist
can help some people gain perspective and learn to focus on their
individual strengths as well as develop healthier thinking.
Where Can I Go if I Need Help?
Sometimes low self-esteem and body image problems are too much to
handle alone. A few teens may become depressed, and lose interest in
activities or friends. Some go on to develop eating or body image
disorders, and can become depressed or use alcohol or drugs to escape
feelings of low worth.
If you're feeling this way, it can help to talk to a parent, coach,
religious leader, guidance counselor, therapist, or friend. A trusted
adult — someone who supports you and doesn't bring you down — can help
you put your body image in perspective and give you positive feedback
about your body, your skills, and your abilities.
If you can't turn to anyone you know, call a teen crisis hotline (an
online search can give you the information for national and local
hotlines). The most important thing is to get help if you feel like your
body image and self-esteem are affecting your life.
Reviewed by: Michelle J. New, PhD
Date reviewed: March 2012
Date reviewed: March 2012
