Showing posts with label Think Positive. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Think Positive. Show all posts

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Mental Filter

Mental Filter

In this cognitive distortion, you concentrate so strongly on one aspect of a task or a situation that you can't even see the rest. Your automatic thoughts all deal with this one concern. If, for example, you ran out of time on a previous test, you may find yourself so preoccupied with the time limit that you have trouble concentrating on the questions. Five minutes into an hour-long test, you find yourself glancing at the clock. The automatic thought that keeps coming up is, "I'm going to run out of time." It may also be true that you can work faster on this test because you know the material better, but the cognitive distortion filters out that fact, and all the others that might help you. 

This is a conversation that I've had, with slight variations, with dozens of students:
STUDENT: So you hated my essay, huh?
ME: What do you mean, "hated it"? Where do you get that? You've got your essay right there--What did I say? Read me the first two words after your name, the first comment I made about it.
STUDENT: "Good essay."
ME: Why would I say that about an essay I hated? If I had hated it, wouldn't I be more likely to say something like, "Lousy essay"?
STUDENT: Yeah, but you go on about all this stuff wrong with it. You say I don't present enough evidence.
If you concentrate on a negative comment and filter out all the positive ones, you will nearly always be disappointed with your performance, even when you ought to be proud of it.

Three kinds of mental filters deserve special attention:

Monday, October 15, 2012

The Story Of Positive Thinking


We have all heard the slogans. “Think Positive!”, “Expect only the best outcomes!”, “Strive to be happy”, “Avoid negativity!”, “Put more effort in your intentions!” “Find happiness in what you have” or “Be careful with your thoughts, think negative and you’ll attract negativity. Think positive and…” you know the drill. 

Positive thinking has become quite popular amongst spiritual communities and even in the business world. It is a concept that pairs up the truth of our creator essence, and the desire to attract riches, success, happiness, the ideal partner, or even spiritual enlightenment. Some believe that in order to get rid of what we don’t want while attracting what we do want, we must pretend that our desired reality is already in play while ignoring the current challenges. Even when it comes to global change, I often hear people say that we must avoid looking at what doesn’t work in our world because it will perpetuate negativity, or that we must even “believe” or “pretend” that all challenges have already been overcome.

But let’s tune into the underlined key words that are often paired with this concept. Think, expect, strive, effort, happiness, positive, negative, avoid, want, have, success, believe, pretend, ideal, riches… PHEW!! Sounds like quite the mental workout. But what about… not getting what we want? Who are we then? Did we fail? Are we now afraid to face a version of ourselves that does not match our expectations? Must we push even harder to try and stay positive? Or will we be pulled down into negativity and be forever lost?

Notice how agitated and demanding these thoughts and concepts feel in the body. Instead of allowing you to be as you are, they push you to act in a certain way, to force/avoid thoughts, to chase an “ideal”, to fear the “worst” case scenario… But thoughts create reality, right? You think what you want, you get what you want, is that it?

Sure, we can try to avoid or shape this moment all we want and believe that this is how you create your ‘ideal’ reality. But if we want to know what truly creates our reality, we must ask ourselves the right questions. What can’t we accept about this moment? What is the story behind our ideals? Must we constantly be in an effortful chase mode, want mode, pretend mode or faith mode to feel good about ourselves? Why can’t we feel at peace right here and right now?

The truth is, there can be a belief system or a suppressed emotional baggage behind our thoughts and desires. And THAT is what creates our experience. That is what ‘the secret’ won’t tell you. That is where we must inquire further.
  • Why should we put so much effort in creating happiness? Is this our natural state? Or is it because we are we unhappy with ourselves when dropping all effort or with the idea of not getting to where we ‘want’ to be?
  • Why should we hold on to so many expectations? Is this our natural state? Or is it because we would we be devastated when facing an outcome that would not match our expectations?
  • Why must we find happiness in what we HAVE? Is this our natural state? Or is it because we cannot just be happy and at peace with what we ARE?
  • Why should we attach ourselves to the ‘positive’ polarity? Is this our natural state? Or is this because we are holding judgment towards the opposite polarity and are afraid of facing hidden negative charges within us?
Notice how our minds have been programmed to avoid uncomfortable feelings. Many people will reach out for television, alcohol, partying, food or credit cards to avoid facing them. Positive thinking goes right in the list. It is just another way to focus ‘out there’ and not have to look at the feeling.

“An uncomfortable feeling is like a compassionate alarm clock that says, “You’re in the dream.” It’s time to inquire, that’s all. But if we don’t honor the alarm clock, then we try to alter and manipulate the feeling by reaching into an apparent external world.” – Byron Katie


Self-policing our way to “happiness” is no different than walking on eggshells. If we don’t get to reach our “happy happy” goal or emotional state, we then see ourselves as a failure and jump into an opposite polarity (e.g. sadness, dissapointment, frustration, depression). But does it really feel natural to live your life on such a fine line between highs and lows, between contentment and discontentment?

So let’s drop our ideas of polarity, of one being better than the other, and of the two being the only states that exist. Have you ever heard of peace? Not the “happy” or “satisfied” feeling of the ego having accomplished a goal or met an expectation, but the peace that holds no condition. The peace that underlies all of the mind’s illusory fears, identities, roles and belief systems. The peace that is who you already are.

Positive thinking, negative thinking, expectations, needs… all of these are simply effortful mind stories that pull us away from experiencing the only thing that is real: the totality and beauty of the present moment AS IT IS. As the tibetan saying goes, “When you have one eye on the goal, you only have one eye on the path”. When we create such a strict path for ourselves and fill our minds with conditions, rules and expectations, we greatly narrow our possibilities to grow and experience the totality of what this moment has to offer. We strive towards a goal that we often set up only to avoid what could be our best teachers, the very personal challenges that we need to face for our own evolution.

And guess what happens when we try to avoid what challenges us? It keeps happening. The teachers keep coming, the button pushers keep poking, and the fire keeps burning until we get rid of our own gasoline.

The whole idea of positive thinking actually programs us to miss out on the beautiful lessons, healing and expansion that occurs when we allow ourselves to face the darkness and negative charges within us. It perpetuates the belief that the “negative” is to avoid and the “positive” is to praise, when in reality, both are equal experiences that the soul has been using to play, learn and finally discover that it is not defined by either. It is once we let go of our attachment to polarity, that we transmute them both back into peace.
“Staying positive is just as effortful and draining as staying negative. Both require maintenance. True inner-peace, however, needs no story or concept to maintain itself. Peace is who and what you already are.” 

Observe the image above. Who looks more free, limitless and at peace? The one who allows himself to experience the full spectrum of his environment, or the one who restricts himself to only a fine line? ;) That right there should be enough to debunk the myth of “positive thinking”.

Breathe… let go… and just BE!
“I went through that stage where I forced myself to be happy all the time. But when I actually gave up on it, that is when I found peace.” – Anonymous
Love,
Elina 


Sunday, May 6, 2012

5 Ways to Deal With Anxiety (kidshealth.org)


Everyone has feelings of anxiety, nervousness, tension, and stress from time to time. Here are 5 ways to help manage them:
  1. Become a relaxation expert. We all think we know how to relax. But chilling out in front of the TV or computer isn't true relaxation. (Depending on what you're watching or doing, it could even make you more tense.) The same is true for alcohol, drugs, or tobacco. They may seem to relieve anxiety or stress, but it's a false state of relaxation that's only temporary. What the body really needs is a relaxation technique — like deep breathing, tai chi, or yoga — that has a physical effect on the mind. For example, deep breathing helps to relax a major nerve that runs from the diaphragm to the brain, sending a message to the entire body to let go and loosen up.
  2. Get enough sleep, nourishment, and exercise. Want your mind and body to feel peaceful and strong enough to handle life's ups and downs? Get the right amount of sleep for your needs — not too much or too little. Eat well: Choose fruit, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains for long-term energy (instead of the short bursts that come from too much sugar or caffeine). And exercise to send oxygen to every cell in the body so your brain and body can operate at their best.
  3. Connect with others. Spend time with friends or family. Organized activities are great, but just hanging out works too. Doing things with those we feel close to deepens our bonds, allowing us to feel supported and secure. And the fun and sharing that go with it allow us to feel happier and less upset about things. If you feel worried or nervous about something, talking about it with someone who listens and cares can help you feel more understood and better able to cope. You'll be reminded that everyone has these feelings sometimes. You're not alone.
  4. Connect with nature. Heading out for a walk in the park or a hike in the woods can help anyone feel peaceful and grounded. (Choose somewhere you feel safe so you can relax and enjoy your surroundings.) Walking, hiking, trail biking, or snowshoeing offer the additional benefit of exercise. Invite a friend or two — or a family member — along and enjoy feeling connected to people as well.
  5. Think positive. A great way to keep our minds off the worry track is to focus our thoughts on things that are good, beautiful, and positive. Allow yourself to dream, wish, and imagine the best that could happen.
Note: When anxiety or worry feels extreme, it may be a sign of an anxiety disorder. For someone who has an anxiety disorder, getting proper care from a health professional is important. These tips can help too, of course. But professional treatment is the only way to shake an anxiety disorder.

Reviewed by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhD
Date reviewed: October 2010

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