When a Pet Dies

For most kids, pets are more than just animals their families own — they're members of the family and the best of friends.

Unfortunately, the joy of owning a pet goes hand-in-hand with the heartbreak of losing one, whether because of old age, illness, or an accident.

And that can be very difficult. After all, family pets often are the first to greet kids in the morning and after school. Your pet may be the one your child looks to for comfort and companionship when ill or feeling unpopular or upset.

While it's impossible to shelter kids from the loss of a pet, you can help them cope with it. And because a pet's death might be their first time losing a loved one, the grieving process can help kids learn how to cope with other losses throughout life.

Sharing the News and the Grief

One of the most difficult parts about losing a pet may be breaking the bad news to kids. Try to do so one-on-one in a place where they feel safe and comfortable and not easily distracted.

As you would with any tough issue, try to gauge how much information kids need to hear based on their age, maturity level, and life experience.

If your pet is very old or has a lingering illness, consider talking to kids before the death occurs. If you have to euthanize your pet, you may want to explain that:

• the veterinarians have done everything that they can
• your pet would never get better
• this is the kindest way to take the pet's pain away
• the pet will die peacefully, without feeling hurt or scared

Again, a child's age, maturity level, and questions will help determine whether to offer a clear and simple explanation for what's going to happen. If so, it's OK to use words like "death" and "dying" or to say something like "The veterinarian will give our pet a shot that first puts it to sleep and then stops the heart from beating." Many kids want a chance to say goodbye beforehand, and some may be old enough or emotionally mature enough to be there to comfort the pet during the process.

If you do have to euthanize your pet, be careful about saying the animal went "to sleep" or "got put to sleep." Young kids tend to interpret events literally, so this can conjure up scary misconceptions about sleep or surgery and anesthesia.

If the pet's death is more sudden, calmly explain what has happened. Be brief, and let your child's questions guide how much information you provide.

Sticking to the Truth

Avoid trying to gloss over the event with a lie. Telling a child that "Buster ran away" or "Max went on a trip" is not a good idea. It probably won't alleviate the sadness about losing the pet, and if the truth does come out, your child will probably be angry that you lied.

If asked what happens to the pet after it dies, draw on your own understanding of death, including, if relevant, the viewpoint of your faith. And since none of us knows fully, an honest "I don't know" certainly can be an appropriate answer — it's OK to tell kids that death is a mystery.

Helping Your Child Cope

Like anyone dealing with a loss, kids usually feel a variety of emotions besides sadness after the death of a pet. They might experience loneliness, anger if the pet was euthanized, frustration that the pet couldn't get better, or guilt about times that they were mean to or didn't care for the pet as promised.

Help kids understand that it's natural to feel all of those emotions, that it's OK to not want to talk about them at first, and that you're there when they are ready to talk.

Don't feel compelled to hide your own sadness about losing a pet. Showing how you feel and talking about it openly sets an example for kids. You show that it's OK to feel sad when you lose a loved one, to talk about your feelings, and to cry when you feel sad. And it's comforting to kids to know that they're not alone in feeling sad. Share stories about the pets you had — and lost — when you were young and how difficult it was to say goodbye.

Moving On

After the shock of the news has faded, it's important to help your child heal and move on.

It can help kids to find special ways to remember a pet. You might have a ceremony to bury your pet or just share memories of fun times you had together. Write a prayer together or offer thoughts on what the pet meant to each family member. Share stories of your pet's funny moments or escapades. Offer lots of loving hugs. You could do a project, too, like making a scrapbook.

Keep in mind that grieving over the loss of a pet, particularly for a child, is similar to grieving over a person. For kids, losing a pet who offered love and companionship can be much more difficult than losing a distant relative. You might have to explain that to friends, family members, or others who don't own pets or don't understand that.

Perhaps most important, talk about your pet, often and with love. Let your child know that while the pain will eventually go away, the happy memories of the pet will always remain. When the time is right, you might consider adopting a new pet — not as a replacement, but as a way to welcome another animal friend into your family.

Source:  http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/pet_death.html#

Reviewed by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhD
Date reviewed: April 2012

How is a Collective Paradigm Created?

 

Take a look around at our world and you will notice something very quickly. We do a lot of things that we never question. It’s as if many of the actions we do are robotic or mechanical. We repeat things that our parents taught us and when we ask them why it’s done they don’t even know. We repeat things we see on TV, learn in books or see in a movie because it all seems so normal. But how did all of this come about? How is it that we are doing things and don’t even know why? I once read this story about an experiment done with monkeys and it accurately depicts what humans have been doing for hundreds of years. I will post it below so you can check it out for yourself.

Mind Paradigm Created

 

Think about it, doesn’t this sound exactly like what we do here? We do things because of things that may have happened years ago and don’t even apply to us anymore. We never ask or question why it’s like that because we find it easier to be robotic than to think outside the box. Or is it that we have been educated into  not thinking outside of the box? Either way you look at it, I think it’s time we start moving ourselves out of mechanical mode and into free thinking mode.

Source:  http://www.collective-evolution.com/2012/08/03/how-is-a-collective-paradigm-created/

The Story Of Positive Thinking

We have all heard the slogans. “Think Positive!”, “Expect only the best outcomes!”, “Strive to be happy”, “Avoid negativity!”, “Put more effort in your intentions!” “Find happiness in what you have” or “Be careful with your thoughts, think negative and you’ll attract negativity. Think positive and…” you know the drill. 

Positive thinking has become quite popular amongst spiritual communities and even in the business world. It is a concept that pairs up the truth of our creator essence, and the desire to attract riches, success, happiness, the ideal partner, or even spiritual enlightenment. Some believe that in order to get rid of what we don’t want while attracting what we do want, we must pretend that our desired reality is already in play while ignoring the current challenges. Even when it comes to global change, I often hear people say that we must avoid looking at what doesn’t work in our world because it will perpetuate negativity, or that we must even “believe” or “pretend” that all challenges have already been overcome.

But let’s tune into the underlined key words that are often paired with this concept. Think, expect, strive, effort, happiness, positive, negative, avoid, want, have, success, believe, pretend, ideal, riches… PHEW!! Sounds like quite the mental workout. But what about… not getting what we want? Who are we then? Did we fail? Are we now afraid to face a version of ourselves that does not match our expectations? Must we push even harder to try and stay positive? Or will we be pulled down into negativity and be forever lost?

Notice how agitated and demanding these thoughts and concepts feel in the body. Instead of allowing you to be as you are, they push you to act in a certain way, to force/avoid thoughts, to chase an “ideal”, to fear the “worst” case scenario… But thoughts create reality, right? You think what you want, you get what you want, is that it?

Sure, we can try to avoid or shape this moment all we want and believe that this is how you create your ‘ideal’ reality. But if we want to know what truly creates our reality, we must ask ourselves the right questions. What can’t we accept about this moment? What is the story behind our ideals? Must we constantly be in an effortful chase mode, want mode, pretend mode or faith mode to feel good about ourselves? Why can’t we feel at peace right here and right now?

The truth is, there can be a belief system or a suppressed emotional baggage behind our thoughts and desires. And THAT is what creates our experience. That is what ‘the secret’ won’t tell you. That is where we must inquire further.

• Why should we put so much effort in creating happiness? Is this our natural state? Or is it because we are we unhappy with ourselves when dropping all effort or with the idea of not getting to where we ‘want’ to be?
• Why should we hold on to so many expectations? Is this our natural state? Or is it because we would we be devastated when facing an outcome that would not match our expectations?
• Why must we find happiness in what we HAVE? Is this our natural state? Or is it because we cannot just be happy and at peace with what we ARE?
• Why should we attach ourselves to the ‘positive’ polarity? Is this our natural state? Or is this because we are holding judgment towards the opposite polarity and are afraid of facing hidden negative charges within us?

Notice how our minds have been programmed to avoid uncomfortable feelings. Many people will reach out for television, alcohol, partying, food or credit cards to avoid facing them. Positive thinking goes right in the list. It is just another way to focus ‘out there’ and not have to look at the feeling.

“An uncomfortable feeling is like a compassionate alarm clock that says, “You’re in the dream.” It’s time to inquire, that’s all. But if we don’t honor the alarm clock, then we try to alter and manipulate the feeling by reaching into an apparent external world.” – Byron Katie

Self-policing our way to “happiness” is no different than walking on eggshells. If we don’t get to reach our “happy happy” goal or emotional state, we then see ourselves as a failure and jump into an opposite polarity (e.g. sadness, dissapointment, frustration, depression). But does it really feel natural to live your life on such a fine line between highs and lows, between contentment and discontentment?

So let’s drop our ideas of polarity, of one being better than the other, and of the two being the only states that exist. Have you ever heard of peace? Not the “happy” or “satisfied” feeling of the ego having accomplished a goal or met an expectation, but the peace that holds no condition. The peace that underlies all of the mind’s illusory fears, identities, roles and belief systems. The peace that is who you already are.

Positive thinking, negative thinking, expectations, needs… all of these are simply effortful mind stories that pull us away from experiencing the only thing that is real: the totality and beauty of the present moment AS IT IS. As the tibetan saying goes, “When you have one eye on the goal, you only have one eye on the path”. When we create such a strict path for ourselves and fill our minds with conditions, rules and expectations, we greatly narrow our possibilities to grow and experience the totality of what this moment has to offer. We strive towards a goal that we often set up only to avoid what could be our best teachers, the very personal challenges that we need to face for our own evolution.

And guess what happens when we try to avoid what challenges us? It keeps happening. The teachers keep coming, the button pushers keep poking, and the fire keeps burning until we get rid of our own gasoline.

The whole idea of positive thinking actually programs us to miss out on the beautiful lessons, healing and expansion that occurs when we allow ourselves to face the darkness and negative charges within us. It perpetuates the belief that the “negative” is to avoid and the “positive” is to praise, when in reality, both are equal experiences that the soul has been using to play, learn and finally discover that it is not defined by either. It is once we let go of our attachment to polarity, that we transmute them both back into peace.

“Staying positive is just as effortful and draining as staying negative. Both require maintenance. True inner-peace, however, needs no story or concept to maintain itself. Peace is who and what you already are.” 

Observe the image above. Who looks more free, limitless and at peace? The one who allows himself to experience the full spectrum of his environment, or the one who restricts himself to only a fine line? That right there should be enough to debunk the myth of “positive thinking”.

Breathe… let go… and just BE!

“I went through that stage where I forced myself to be happy all the time. But when I actually gave up on it, that is when I found peace.” – Anonymous

Love,
Elina 

Source:  http://www.collective-evolution.com/2012/08/03/the-story-of-positive-thinking/

My Teen Is Breaking Rules - What Can I Do?

We recently moved, and my 16-year-old daughter started at a new school. Lately, she's been ignoring her curfew, and last weekend I smelled alcohol on her breath. What should I do?
- Joe

The best thing you can do is to talk to your daughter openly about your concerns. Be blunt, honest, and understanding — and reassure her that you want to know what's going on with her because you care. 

Discuss your expectations for her, and what the consequences will be if she breaks the rules. Many teens act like they don't need attention from their parents and family, but actually they do.

While one or two behavior glitches can be expected with a major life change, persistent changes in your daughter's behavior, attitude, or interests may mean something more is going on. Alcohol and/or drug use are often linked to depression or to difficult life changes like moving or going through a rough breakup.

If you're still concerned about your daughter's behavior, talk to her doctor or a counselor for advice.

Source:  http://kidshealth.org/parent/question/emotions/rule_breaking.html

Reviewed by: Larissa Hirsch, MD

10 Easy Ways To Get More Reading Done

Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers.

-       Charles W. Eliot

“I really should read more books,” you tell yourself.

There’s all this information you want to acquire, all these skills you want to learn.

You’re excited about reading more so that you can become a better parent, friend, employee, boss, writer or entrepreneur.

You want to immerse yourself in a captivating story and learn to see the world from a brand new perspective.

You know there’s plenty to gain from reading more books.

But when you get home after a long day, you give in to temptation.

You turn on the TV and lie on the couch. You login to Facebook and start watching YouTube videos.

Before you know it, it’s bedtime. No time left in the day to read.

If this describes you, you’re not alone. This poll reveals that half the adults in America read five books or fewer over the past year.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. I’ve discovered 10 easy ways to read more books, and I’d like to share them with you.

These 10 tips have helped me to read more than 170 books over the past four years, so I promise that they work.

1. 1.    Always have a book with you.

When you carry a book around with you all the time, it’s less likely that you’ll play with your phone or daydream whenever you’re caught waiting for something.

If you use your waiting time to read, you’ll be able to finish many more books in the long run.

1. 2.    Set aside time to read every night before you go to bed.

10 or 15 minutes of reading before you go to bed is a good way to unwind.

1. 3.    Get enough sleep.

This might sound like a tip that belongs in a different article, so allow me to explain.

Many people want to read on the bus or subway ride to work, but because they’re sleep-deprived, they decide to take a nap instead.

If you’re well-rested, you can use your commute to do some valuable reading.

1. 4.    Use your finger or a pen as a guide when you’re reading.

When you do this, you force your eyes not to “jump” around or skip back over the words that you’ve already read, which is the natural tendency of your eyes.

This tip alone will greatly improve your reading efficiency.

1. 5.    Use an e-reader.

I was initially hesitant about buying an e-reader (I use a Kindle), because I enjoy reading books in their physical form. But I was quickly won over by the convenience of doing all of my reading on the Kindle.

The font sizes are adjustable; you can share one book with multiple devices; you can highlight text and make notes; you can use one hand to navigate all of the Kindle’s functions (this is especially useful for me when I find myself holding on to the handlebar of a crowded bus with one hand, and using my Kindle with the other).

1. 6.    Buy audio books.

If you prefer to do your “reading” by listening, this option will work well for you.

1. 7.    Read one book at a time.

It’s tempting to read multiple books at once, but when you focus on finishing one book at a time, you’ll get more out of each book that you read.

1. 8.    Read while sitting on the “throne.”

It’s not recommended that you spend too much time sitting on the toilet, but since you’re going to be there for five minutes or so, why not do some reading? Five minutes of extra reading a day does add up.

1. 9.    Keep a list of books that you’ve read.

It’s exciting to see the list growing as time goes by, which will further encourage you to read more.

1. 10.  Keep a list of books that you want to read.

This list represents all the knowledge that you’d like to gain in the future. Referring to this list and updating it regularly will help you stay motivated to keep reading!

In closing…

Reading a book is like undergoing a chemical reaction.

You’ll never be exactly the same when you finish a book, because every book has the power to teach you, encourage you and shape you.

I hope these 10 tips enable you to be changed for the better through the power of reading many more good books.

Source: http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/10-easy-ways-to-get-more-reading-done/